Category Archives: Uncategorized

Only Child on gardens for sanctuary

The past few days I have been spending time in gardens. Not just mine but others and one big public one. I really needed to do so because of all the busyness in my life. Sometimes I feel like a top whirling around non-stop – until I enter a garden for sanctuary and healing.

Gardens and gardening to heal are not new. Way back in the times of the Egyptian, court physicians, instead of prescribing drugs, prescribed garden walks for royalty who had mental problems. What a novel idea. Maybe more physicians today should do that.

I am blessed that I belong to the East York Garden Club. While I don’t make it to all their meeting and events I did go to their annual pot luck dinner in a member’s garden – where else – last Thursday evening. I brought a fruit salad that I put together in a record 10 minutes – but most of it got eaten, so… In fact at first it looked like we would be feasting on mainly desserts until more members arrived with main dishes.

I talked gardening with many other gardeners, met a few new gardeners and caught up on news (not just gardening) with an old friend from school days – we had re-connected four years ago at one of the schools we went to.

And I looked at the garden and enjoyed the peace, the shade and just being there.

Saturday I roared over to one of the Pop-up Gardens of an East York Garden Club member a few blocks away. She is also a Master Gardener and very knowledgeable. She is getting shrubs etc. in her garden pruned and this was the before looksee. We talked about her pruning and the fact that both of us have special day lillies from a now deceased member of the garden club.

Sunday it was off to the Toronto Botanical Gardens and Edwards Gardens – both are together and it is hard to find the dividing line as the gardens just blend into together. I checked out the gift shop first as it closes before the gardens and then began walking through the gardens, stopping occasionally to rest on one of the benches and of course, look at and smell the flowers. And wouldn’t you know it – I ran into another member of the East York Garden Club,  a lady I have known for a few years who lives a block away from me.

Then there is my garden – I’m out there  on the back patio or front veranda to eat meals and absorb the garden. I walk through it to see how everything is doing. Lots of lettuce which I pick daily to eat. The black raspberries are finished for this year but the beans are starting up and the tomato plants have blossoms – some have small green tomatoes forming. I pay attention to what needs watering – in the pots or in the ground.

And yes, I also attack the weeds. That is my direct therapy to deal with all the crap shoved my way by individuals, companies and governments. I also sometimes name the weeds as I pull them and throw them in the yard waste bins for city pickup to carry off to the …well not the dump for yard waste.

So when the going gets tough, go to a garden. Pull weeds, absorb, return to normal.

Cheers.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Garden Clubs, Gardening, Gardening health benefits, Gardens, Public Gardens, Uncategorized

Only Child on stealing my time and line

Not really my landline. Mine is the touch kind.

Over the weekend I had my phone and Internet connection stolen. I say stolen because the  utility company techie who came to fix it found the cable had been cut, probably by vandals and the same thing happened in another nearby area of Toronto. He put in an order for the guys who fix the cable to come but said he didn’t know when but within 48 hours.

Not good enough, especially as I don’t have a cell phone (can’t afford one right now – more on why in a future post). I made two trips to my friend and neighbour Ev across the street to use her land line to call Bell, the utility company. I needed the exact status on my phone repair this second trip. But before I made it to her place I was called over by Jan down the street. Ev was there. Jan said the line went dead around 9 p.m. Friday evening (this was now late Saturday morning) in the middle of a call she was making. She had to borrow another neighbour’s cell to call it in to Bell. Unlike me, who got a customer service rep in tech support almost right away, she was on hold for an hour and a half. And the neighbour needed his phone because he was going away for the weekend. Because it was late Friday evening Bell wouldn’t even book a techie to come.

So, we had three seniors with no cell phone and Ev’s line working only because she was across the street and on another feed.

What’s wrong with this picture?

So, back to Ev’s and this time I put on my consumer advocate cum former journalist hat(s). Calling  Bell was not straighforward either as their Toronto lines kept giving me the message “this number is no longer in service.” Huh? That’s the number on my current phone bill. I had to call the Television section, tech support to get the 800 number to call for the phone and Internet. And yes I got through then. But the customer service person had no idea why the Toronto line didn’t work and did check – nada.

However, I can’t complain about the help from customer service – especially after I pulled the senior’s card – seniors living on this street and we don’t all have cell phones. The guy couldn’t get the cable techs to come any sooner (the recorded message had said the service would be restored no later than Monday at 10 p.m. which was NOT acceptable) and it would probably be sometime Monday because the techie who fixes cables in my area is off for the weekend.

What’s wrong with this picture?

I continued to push for a solution, hitting on the senior angle and no cell phones (both true) and after doing some checking the customer service guy was able to arrange for temporary complimentary cell phones to come Sunday for Jan and I – and there was a record of her call Friday night so I got her ticket number as well as mine.

We didn’t get our cell phones but the service was back by 1.30 p.m. on Sunday. Guess advocating for us seniors helped. And if they had to get the cable repair guy in to work on a weekend, too bad. They need more than one for each area of Toronto and they should be on call, even on a rotating basis.

But the time it stole. Jan was more upset than I, although if it had happened on a weekday when I need the Internet to work, I would have been more upset. The situation did give me a chance to visit with a couple of neighbour friends. Jan and I talked at her place for a couple of hours when I returned there to let her know what Bell were doing and gave her her ticket number.

Now I’m back on track, sort of. Still wrestling with time stealers and putting my foot etc. down. I have made a list of what is important to me to be doing right now and for the near future – just the subject/topic or whatever. In no particular order they are family and friends, work (including clients and my new mystery novel Beyond Faith coming out this fall – anything with the latter, house (including grocery shopping and basic cleaning)  garden, cooking, health, reading, walking and some TV for relaxation.

Anything else is out the window and that includes volunteer stuff (excluding facilitating my East End Writers’ Group writing critique meeting tomorrow evening). Out the window are other volunteer stuff, especially when others in the groups (not EEWG) bug me with questions that they can’t even keep to one email. Out the window are requests to help other writers figure out how to do their business – especially when they are on writing and editing listserves and could get info from many people there. Out the window is anything more than the basic housework and there better not be any repairs – emergency or other – that can’t wait.

Now, let’s hope I can keep to this.

Cheers.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

What happened to Only Child’s phone line

Leave a comment

Filed under Help and Support, Helping Others, Seniors, Time management, Uility Disruptions and Vandalism, Uncategorized

Only Child says overwhelm causes forgetfulness

The look of Only Child in overwhelm

For just over a week I lived in overwhelm. I knew I had too much on my plate and started a “program” featuring the three D’s – do, delay and dump. The idea was to decide what was  most important in my life, what wasn’t important, and what was stealing my time. And as I found out stealing my mind. The number of items that disappeared in my personal black hole increased. Some have surfaced; some have not. It reminds me a bit of when my mother, when in her late 50’s she took bacon instead of steak out of the freezer for our supper. I, then in my late teens discovered the mistake long before the meat had thawed. Not exactly losing or misplacing items, but close.

My mother was having a hard time dealing with living life without my dad who had died a few years earlier and her escalating arthritis. So she had loss, grief and health. Money was not an issue

My misplaced items signify more and some are different. For example, I wanted to wear a specific sleeveless black T-shirt which I had owned for many years. But I couldn’t find where it should be or where it shouldn’t be and I looked several times both in artificiahav

Nada.

Yet I was 99 per cent sure I hadn’t at any time put it in the used clothing for the Diabetes Association bag. Ever.

Something strange was going on here.

It wasn’t until I returned home after a shopping expedition to buy a replacement T-shirt ( and didn’t find anything suitable) that I found the missing T-shirt. I was still furious about it being yet another item gone missing that I meticulously checked all the places again. And I found it in one of the places where it should be, i.e., the drawer where I put items that I’ve worn once or twice but they still don’t need to be washed.

I’m sure all the fuss about finding that T-shirt has something to do with wearing something I am familiar with, especially when you consider the chaotic unpredictable world we live in.

A few other items still remain lost in inner space. One is corn cushions for the soles of my “bad” feet. I know I bought two packages at the Rexall store – two because that is the only drugstore that seems to carry the padded ones and I don’t live close to a Rexall Drug Store. I paid for two and I know that the two packages came home and that I put them in the drawer where I keep all my bad feet paraphernalia. That burns up more than my feet because it costs me, as does all the health crap I have to buy or get done for my health. But that’s a topic for another blog post.

The funniest one is when my son was helping me remotely with transferring library books in e-pub once downloaded from my computer to my Kobo. Yes, I had the Kobo all right. But I couldn’t find the short cable that connects the Kobo to my computer. I told my son that I had the charger (I finally ordered one that you can plug in your Kobo to recharge it without turning on your computer) and the cable in it, but couldn’t find the cable for the Kobo to connect it to the computer. All this while I was frantically checking through desk drawers.

“That is the cable,” my son said. At least he didn’t laugh.

I knew the cause right away for forgetting that the charger did not come with a cable.

All the while my son and I were doing the computer remote fixing, I felt like I was coasting – almost like my voice, my body and my mind were separated.

And that is the way I had been feeling for a week and a half before trying to get too many things done to meet too many deadlines, and deal with weather and possible water in the basement and one of my many health issues acting up.

Immediately after Martin and I got off the phone I started to tidy up some of my office – my desktop and the few files needed to be put away.

That only brought on more forgetfulness, misplacement of items, and anger and frustration. I couldn’t seem to find the bills I knew I had paid at the beginning of the month. Finally found them in my Problems to be Solved folder. They  weren’t the problem – they had been paid. But I discovered in my bills to be paid was an unpaid phone and Internet bill for this month.

I am never late paying that bill but the utility company moving the date due up five days didn’t help with my memory.

The problem was twofold – I had too much on my plate to do so didn’t do some of the things I regularly do – i.e. keep a budget up to date including keeping track of bills that need to be paid and paying them on time. Of course I paid the bill online right away and through my account let the utility know I had just paid it and where, so I have a numbered receipt now.

But when I did that and when I looked at my now tidy corner of the office where I work, I felt better.

Next day, which was yesterday – Monday, I still started out sluggish and feeling overwhelmed. But I was determined to plow through as much of my “to do” list for the day as I could. When I did and saw what I had accomplished, I felt even better.

Maybe taking the time to do some gardening and going for a short walk had something to do with it.

But there are still things to rein in – like email. I have to get off some of these meet-up things I’ll never go to and some of the writing groups and other interest-related stuff that just takes up my time. I need to delete some of what I do (and one I thought I had came back today and I have to deal with it. This is one where the people in charge weren’t clear about what had to be done and I’m not the only one confused here).

And then there is all the crap I have to do for my health and when I have to do it. Yes, I’m reining in that too. Doing what I have to but where I can, when I can. Not dropping everything else to spend a lot of time doing this and that. If I forget to do something for my health once, so be it.

It is like I told my friend Maggie when I finally had time to call her early Sunday evening. “I don’t even have time to call my friends.” Now, that’s sad and unacceptable.

So is not getting enough sleep at night. But the last two nights I’ve had no problem falling asleep. It’s just that I wake up two to three hours before the alarm goes off and have trouble getting  back to sleep. Or don’t get back to sleep.

The weird thing is that happened Sunday night into too early Monday morning. And Monday – yesterday – is the day I got some of my equilibrium returned. Go figure.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

 

How Only Child wants to be and feel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Burnout, Health, Life Balance, Life demands, Memory loss, Stress, Time management, Uncategorized

Streamlining my life or why no blog post last week

Only Child is doing this in her life

Life is getting too complicated and I am running around in overwhelm too much lately. That is why I didn’t even have time to write my weekly blog post here last week. This is the first time ever I have missed doing a blog post. I also missed doing my author blog post last Thursday. A lot of it seems to be things coming at me from other people and other things – what I supposedly can’t control

Well, maybe I can. If something or someone is stealing my time with their demands, maybe it is time to dump them or dump the organization I’m involved  in or at the very least cut back on what I do when for them. Because what is happening is I am not doing what I want to do because of all this outside stuff coming in.

Last Friday I started to draw the line and did that with someone who was actually helping me and the writers’ group I run with all the stuff to get a special event going. But she does want things done right away. I can’t do that anymore so emailed her that I can’t deal with anything related to that until Monday. She was fine with that and I am grateful that she has been dealing with the city bureaucracy involved in one aspect of it. In fact another organization had the same problem with the city so I’m wondering if it isn’t the same city jerk there causing all the problems.

I am also emailing a potential new client that I cannot evaluate her manuscript until fall  – originally I had estimated June but I just  finished the third rewrite of Beyond Faith and am now back to doing a very heavy edit for the novel of a very understanding client. I had also suggested this this PC (potential client) could also go to another editor near where she lives and someone she, as well as I, know. When I didn’t hear back either way from the PC I presumed she had gone to the other editor. Meantime a repeat client emailed me that she would like me to do another evaluation of her manuscript since she has rewritten it based on my previous evaluation – of course for a fee. Not hearing anything from PC and realizing that my considerate client’s ms was again behind schedule (he knows and is not upset), I gave her a tentative July to meet with her. However, imagine my surprise when last week PC emailed with wanting to email the manuscript, although she did ask if she could email it now. As for fee (and I had mentioned that in my previous email), she mentioned she could mail a cheque or a gift card. Huh. No way for the latter and I don’t just start an editing job without a deposit and without a signed contract.  Guess I will have to email her this week. And if she decides to get another editor, that’s fine with me. Today I also have the handyman here fixing house and property stuff plus deal with the writers’ event planning and do some more editing on the considerate client’s manuscript.

You can see some of the stuff I’m dealing with, some which I don’t really have time to deal with. Last night was the first night  in months I got seven hours of sleep – if you count the half hour I fell asleep watching the news and weather on TV. Sleep is important to me and I’m tired of being tired and not being able to think straight some times.

So, in my quest to decide what to scrap, what to cut  back on, what to put in pending indefinitely I am re-reading this wonderful book by Elaine St. James called Living the Simple Life. She has other books in the same vein and I have one of them – if I can find it in my overfilled bookshelf by my bed. Although the book is written in the mid 1990’s, it is still relevant – she does a whole list of possible time stealers for people and except for Publishers clearing house junk  mail, she is right on. Yes, email and the Internet are on her list, but we can just add more up-to-date time -stealers like our cell phones and other devices and social media. Her chapters are simple and short and very helpful and you can pick and choose which chapters to read.

So with Elaine’s help and my determination (and stubbornness and persistence) I am going to cut the crap and try to live doing things one foot at a time, one thing at a time and where possible I decide the priority. If people don’t like it they can lump it.

And that’s enough cliches for now.

Cheers.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

Garden serenity when things get hectic

Leave a comment

Filed under Decisions, Overwhelm, Planning, Prioritizing, Problem solving, Uncategorized

Only Child’s health is eating her life -literally

Only child contemplates new health issue

Only child contemplates new health issue

Again with apologizes to Elizabeth Verwey (whose book is titled “My Business Ate My Life”) for my title above. Elizabeth’s book deals with workaholic entrepreneurs. My title refers to my health or lack of good health.

I now have another big health problem, although if all goes well when it is supposed to (hah! hah!) it is temporary. This one is dental, starting with pain and pressure in a lower molar on Sunday. This is the molar the dentist just filled in with a new big filling in February of this year to replace the one he did in 1999 that was falling out.

Definitely not right or fair but not much seems to be right or fair in my life this year. I saw my dentist yesterday afternoon and yes he said I have two options, root canal or have the tooth extracted. The conversation right after went something like this.

Me: :”I would rather kill myself than have a root canal.”

Dentist:”I guess you’ve made your choice.”

Me: “Any possibility of more fillings?”

Dentist: “No because the cavity has gotten into the nerves in the root so fillings wouldn’t work.”

And in case the above conversation makes my dentist come across as mean, he is definitely not. He is very understanding and he said the above kindly and quietly. We discussed the problem further. The upshot is that they don’t do root canals or surgery and I would have to see a specialist – which I should have known as I had to see a specialist in the early 1980s to remove an abscessed wisdom tooth. This one isn’t abscessed yet and I’m pouring on Oil of Cloves as necessary.

So, I have to see a specialist – an oral surgeon. One of the ones they reference is only one short bus ride from me and my dentist says the doctor is sympathetic to those using social services. I reminded him that I am not on social services, just have limited income. He said this dentist would still be sympathetic to my situation. We agreed early January for the surgery (pending getting an appointment for it. What do you want to bet that won’t be possible?). He gave me the specialist’s business info sheet and said I was to call him to book an appointment and then he would send them the x-ray he had just taken of the offending and offensive tooth. I thought the first part odd – don’t dentists do the calling to specialists and the booking? That is what happened in the 1980s. He also waived charging me for the x-ray and for my visit yesterday. “We were just chatting.” I could have afforded the low rate he was charging me for the x-ray but was still in shock about the necessary surgery.

Anyway I said I’d call the specialist’s office this week, thanked him and wished him a merry xmas.

So, supposing I get to this specialist in early January and the surgery goes well (big assumption and big presumption), there is still the problem of travel. Getting there by bus should be okay, but these specialists (as my dentist told me and as I remember from the 1980s) want you to have someone to drive you home afterwards because it is surgery and you do get drugged and get the freezing.

That might be a problem. Back in the 1980s, a first cousin once removed took me there and back (several trips because of the abscess) and I believe she even stayed over at my place in Aurora for a day or so afterwards. This cousin, whom I loved and was close to, died 12 years ago.

I am a senior on my own and while I do have friends, most of them don’t drive. Hey, it’s Toronto and we have public transit, such as it is (and don’t get me on that for this post). Two of my friends in Toronto, both near me geographically, do drive. Both have their own lives. One looks after a grandson once a week plus does other things on other days. The other one has her own health issues – knee problems requiring physical therapy twice a week. The third friend with a car lived next door – Tanya, the friend who died from cancer in February. I still miss her and not because she used to drive me occasionally to get heavy stuff – like garden soil).

So my choice of days to make an appointment is limited. I’m presuming because this oral surgeon is a specialist, there won’t be much choice and as there are others in the practice, he may not even work every day, although I thought I heard my dentist mention that they have Saturday hours. Good luck getting an appointment for then.

My son drives but has no car – he leases occasionally. I will see if he would be available. UPDATE. MY SON JUST EMAILED ME BACK AND HE WILL GET A CAR AND PICK ME UP AFTER MY DENTAL APPOINTMENT. FAMILY IS BEST.

Otherwise, I will take public transit home, no matter what state I’m in. Cabs are out of the question – not just for costs, but I will not be in any condition to call a cab afterwards and pre- booking won’t work as there is no guarantee about how long the surgery would take. I know this from personal experience – mine and others.

I may just have to lie and say a friend will come to pick me up and then afterwards “Oops, guess she couldn’t make it.” What are they going to do about it after the fact? Drive me home?

Even though I dread it and wish it wasn’t necessary, I will get the surgery done and in early January if I have any say in the matter. But as most things in life (mine, anyway), seeing is believing. That’s something I have learned from very hard experience.

Cheers.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Dental Surgery, Family and Friends, Health, Health Seniors, Help and Support, Life demands, Uncategorized

Only Child in scary storm watch

Winter storms now constant worry

Winter storms now constant worry

I’m doing this week’s post early (but setting it to go live the usual late Tuesday morning). Why? We’re in winter storm watch in southern, southwestern and southeastern Ontario from suppertime. Depending on where you live it could include snow mixed with ice pellets, freezing rain and then transitioning early morning to just rain for light rain Tuesday. High easterly winds coming with all this until 11 a.m. or so on Tuesday. Maybe power outages but hopefully not.

This week’s post was supposed to be my year-end tally of the good and bad that have happened in my corner of the world. That will have to wait until next week’s post. If I posted this week the bad would outnumber the good by a lot. May still outnumber the good, but maybe not so much as this week. Who knows? We live in a scary horrible world where no place is safe – and I don’t mean only the weather

One of my close friends is very sick with cancer. She was rushed to the hospital yesterday. Her son isn’t well either, so her husband is doing everything. For privacy’s sake I’m not naming them or giving any more details. Just saying they are among the friends who have helped me a lot and I am trying to help them where possible.

I am also trying to reach my son and his girlfriend. They were here Christmas Day and evening and we had a lovely visit, chatting and eating Christmas dinner. They brought the cooked ham (I’m allergic to turkey) and Martin did a few quick odd jobs around the house. Martin and Juni (who is a graphic designer) designed the background colours for my new website in the works. I’m working on content, but the three of us sat at my desktop computer (with Martin doing actual computer stuff) to sort out content layout and even content and where it should go.

Boxing Day early morning they left early for the Ottawa Valley area in eastern Ontario. Yesterday that area got hit with hours of freezing rain. I have emailed but no response so don’t know what their situation is. They are staying at the home of Juni’s aunt and uncle. I’m going to try phoning my son’s cell but who knows if there is cell reception there or what.

The three of us did talk about the impending storm for the Greater Toronto Area and beyond coming today and they thought they might wait to leave to come home until Tuesday. But more storm is coming their way then. I suggested we keep in contact by phone and email Monday and Tuesday because of this weather.

I hope they are all right.

Meantime, back on the home front, I’ve gone into emergency disaster mode – everything from batteries to non electric radios (I have an old Walkman, although it’s difficult to see what station you are on and the old ghetto blaster can be used with six C batteries – if you get them all in correctly). Have a land line with cords (can’t use the wireless landline extension during power outages) so hopefully the phone service doesn’t go. Don’t want power to go either. But have flashlights (and extra batteries), candles (but I’m leery about using them much for safety’s sake). Have done most of the emergency profile/info from the Ontario government page – to help me do what I need to do – as much of it as I can.

It is all a big worry.

Not safe anywhere in the world – England has floods in York area, southern and midwestern USA – tornadoes, twisters, rain, snow, floods.

Yuck.

Anyway, let’s hope 2016 is much better in all ways for everyone.

Cheers.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Anxiety, Extreme Weather, Family and Friends, Floods, Hydro power outage, Ice Storm Southern Ontario, Leaky Basements, Mixed Perceptation, Only child, Uncategorized, Weather, Winter Weather

Only Child has hearing problem terror

Only child ponders new disability

Only child ponders new disability

I have another big medical problem – I am now hearing impaired, particularly in my right ear, my better ear. Had been having a few intermittent problems with the left ear with my respiratory problems. Now the right ear has joined in the whole bad occurrence.

I have been back and forth to my doctor’s. He has flushed out my ears (which helped some) and he gave me a prescription for ear drops and will do more flushing on my next visit there later this week. May have to see an ENT specialist, an audiologist and get allergy tests as that might be at least part of the problem. This medical clinic has an allergy testing clinic and the clinic is about 10 to 15 minutes walk from my house.

The big scare came Saturday morning when I woke up and could barely hear out of my right ear. I couldn’t hear people speak (in person) unless they faced me and shouted. I couldn’t hear a lot of peripheral noises and felt congested. Strangely I had (and still have as of this posting) no problem hearing people when talking on the phone and I can hear myself speak. It was strangely eerie and very scary walking through No Frills to get some groceries and I could hear nothing except a couple of guys yelling at each other.

Since then some of my hearing has returned in my right ear, thanks to the ear drops and not sleeping on my right side. I can now hear hear people speak as long as they face me and don’t speak in low soft tones. And I can hear others speak on the buses. But I don’t know if my hearing will ever return to what was normal for me. Some of it may be also due to age and what I have to say to that is – if your health deteriorates too much with age is there any point in people living really long? From what I see around me, with few exceptions, most people who live long do so with a lot of medical problems.

Still, I will keep on writing (and gardening in the spring, summer and fall). My saving grace perhaps.  Another saving grace is that both my son and my ex are going to help pay for hearing devices – the balance of what an Ontario program doesn’t cover.

And yes, one of my terrors from last week’s posting happened – some water did get in my basement from all that rain – started coming in just before I had to leave for my East End Writers’ Group 15th anniversary presentation, so I was scrambling around the neighbourhood to beg someone to please check on my basement a couple of times during the evening. I found someone although not the usual person.

On this note I will leave you with a link to info about seniors and hearing loss. Heck anyone and hearing loss. http://www.chs.ca/facts-and-figures

Getting old is a pain – in the ears apparently.

Cheers.

Sharon

Only Child Writes

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Health, Health Seniors, Healthcare coverage, Helping Others, Life demands, Only child, Problems, Seniors, Uncategorized