Last week’s posting (and an earlier one) seemed to resonate with a few people – but some of us (myself included) got waylaid by my flakey friends and their bad manners. The varying responses are interesting – from a zen-like one of acceptance to someone else running into similar situations as me. I guess it is all in how the situation affects you and what you can do about it. When you have no brothers or sisters and your parents are dead, you look elsewhere for family. Besides my son, Martin and his girlfriend, Alison, I look to my cousins – and I have a lot of cousins- and, of course, my friends. Contrary to what I posted last week, I do have reliable friends. And I do realize that their lives are not mainly to do my bidding – so to speak.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that reading the comments from last week’s post helped me realize a few things: how much to depend on friendship and how much to depend on me. Being alone I have learned to rely on myself for many things but there is the other side of this fence. Someone once wrote that no man (person) is an island and that means we shouldn’t shut ourselves away from others. The trick is to find the delicate balance between aloneness and connecting with people on a personal level. The other point that clicked in after much ruminating was that as a friend, I, too, have to do some giving. And so I have.
My friends next door are building an upper extension on their house. Although the husband works in construction and is one of the three fellows doing most of the work (excluding electrical and plumbing), it is going slower than expected. They got the use of another house a few miles away but have to get out by next week. There was a basement flat that came available across the street from them and me. The “For rent” sign sat on the lawn for about a month. My neighbour and I talked about it last week and finally they decided to go for it. I passed along the agent’s name and phone number when my neighbour called from their current rental digs and provided her with some background information on the place as well as talking to the fellow in the upstairs unit of that house. I left it at that. Yesterday I received a call from my next door neightbour friend that they have the basement apartment and would I like to see it before they move in? She also thanked me for my help. So, this give-and-take-gratitude thing goes both ways. I knew that but I needed reminding.
The other comment, a “ping” to some of my earlier posts dealt with when are you ever ready for marriage, etc. And it made me think, too. I know I wasn’t ready to get married when I did in that I wasn’t mature enough, but I took that step – whether foolish or not. At that time I didn’t even consider if I was taking a risk, but I guess I was. Maybe that is what it comes down to with some of the life decisions we make. Are we willing to take the risk? Should we take this risk at this time? I’d like to hear from more readers what you think on this.
As for my deciding to get married when I did – it was a bad and a good decision – bad because it did end in divorce, but good because I got a great and talented son from it. But if I dig deeper, the split from my husband may have had a sliver lining (well, somewhat). I finally had to get off my ass and learn to grow up. Today, too many years later I’m still learning. And I still sit on my ass. Well, it is more comfortable than standing up when I’m at my computer.
Only child writes