Only child goes out into the garden

Only Child and her late Mom in the backyard garden. Mom is sitting in a Muskoka chair.

This morning before starting work I went out into the garden. I do this every day to relieve the stress before it gets to me. The plan was to transplant some basil, nasturtium and a coleus, and put the hose away because we are supposed to finally get some rain. Then I planned to sit out on the patio and eat breakfast.

Instead I stared at some of the many weeds and started yanking them. I know weeding is therapeutic (especially when you pretend the weeds are your problems and/or the problematic people in your life). However, weeding is turning into a routine almost every time I head out into the garden. This helps with decreasing the weed population – for now. But there is more to gardening than pulling weeds.

I am enjoying the lush early display of roses thanks to our early hot weather and snapped a few photos this morning. I do “tour” the garden (and snatch up weeds as I walk around) and I do sit out in the garden and actually do nothing but drink wine or water and read a book. And eat my meals out on the patio or on the veranda while sitting in my new Muskoka chair (a holdover from my childhood when that’s what you sat on in the backyard or on the veranda).  Maybe the weed yanking is also a family holdover. My mother was a gardener and she did a lot of weeding. She also grew beautiful rose bushes, including red roses climbing around an archway.

Still, I can’t help thinking that I need an attitude change here. I need to go into the garden to enjoy it – whether I am weeding or reading or planting or touring. This is my escape from the harsh realities of my life. Heck, most of the time I don’t even take the cordless phone outside. If anyone wants me they can leave a message – unless they are telemarketers – they can go, to put it politely, where the sun doesn’t shine.

And speaking of gardening and reading. A study at Wageningen University and Research Center, The Netherlands featuring people spending time in the garden and spending time reading shows that gardening relieves stress more than reading. I wonder if reading in the garden would relieve stress even more. Check out the study published in 2010 at http://hpq.sagepub.com/content/16/1/3.abstract

I did transplant the nasturtium and basil but left the hose lying in the driveway. We’ve had so many wrong forecasts of rain in the past two weeks. I’ll believe it’s raining today, when it actually rains.

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child’s late Dad under Mom’s rose archway

Only Child clarifies the aloneness issue

Only Child with son, Martin, and two of the Michigan cousins

Got an interesting comment to my post last week (see Comments). While I’ve tried living with other onlies (mostly boarders) and found it didn’t work, reading Jen’s comment helped me clarify what I really mean. The problem isn’t living alone per se, but being alone. There is a difference.

Let me explain by using the example of a friend of mine who used to live down the street. She and her partner didn’t live together but spent weekends together, usually at her house. He was also there sometimes during the week, if only for the evening and helped her a lot with her house. She pulled her own weight as well. She also got to know his three sons from when he was married. (He was separated.) My friend and her partner travelled together throughout the US and Canada. They were considering moving in together after he retired or a few years later after she retired. And if you are wondering why the past tense, no, they didn’t split up. Their relationship lasted seven years; then he died suddenly from brain cancer.

Which again reminds me of one of my ex-boyfriend’s comments (which I’ve also posted before). “Life isn’t fair.” I have a corollary to that, something I’ve learned from what I’ve seen, heard and read and from personal experience.

Whenever someone is experiencing happiness, enjoy it, because it may not last.

The other thing Jen helped me look at was the siblings’ issue. Obviously I don’t have any. But I have cousins  – there are six in one set and seven in another. I know, rather large numbers, but we’re talking Catholic born in the 1950s and 1960s. I have noticed how close they are and how much they help each other with problems. Two examples: when one cousin was building her backyard deck, many of the cousins (including the inlaws) helped her. On a more serious note, when my godfather, father to the six cousins, got to the point where he had to go into a nursing home, they all worked together on this. And when he was living there, they not only spent a lot of time visiting him, they also held sibling discussions on how things were going there. I know because I went with many of them on the visits and two of them discussed their dad’s life at the nursing home, including how he was treated by the staff, when I was out to dinner with them.

This is what I mean by siblings helping each other. They are very close although it does help that all but one live near each other. Some of their kids are changing the geography, but my cousins go out of their way to bring us all together. Last summer when I was visiting one cousin couple, their oldest son, now living in California, was coming up with his girlfriend to visit them. My cousins arranged a family lunch get together (homemade pizza – everyone chose their own topping).

And these cousins go out of their way to help me with my visits to them. I don’t drive, so I take the train where I can to get to their places. But they not only pick me up at the train station, but organize who I stay with (several live in Stratford, Ontario) and one takes me up to their cottage. Last year two of them took me to public gardens (Yes, we are a family of gardeners, except for one couple). And two more cousins from Michigan made a special trip up in their mobile home to visit with us all when I was there.

Before you think my relationship with all my cousins is perfect – we have differing views on religion, how to treat others, and what to do when we personally get too old to manage on our own. But we try to respect our differences. That is probably harder for me than for them.

And of course I have my son and his partner who help with some things.

It’s just the what I call “house crap” and “computer crap” that jumps out at me and often the lack of enough money and time that upsets me. Some things where a partner could share – like with my friend who used to live down the street. If truth be told, I probably would be a “bear” to live with now. And maybe I wasn’t that easy to live with when I was married many years ago.

Perhaps that’s the legacy of growing up an only child.

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child looks at helping friends living alone

Only Child contemplating how to help friends and not neglect herself.

After last week’s rant on the perils of living life as an only person, I had some sense knocked into me. I emailed one of my friends whom I hadn’t heard from for a few months. Turns out her health is in turmoil (and I suppose her life because of it.) She has a very bad back condition and can barely move.

But she is also living  on her own. That tells me something I posted last week rings true. I bet if I did a survey of older adults (take your pick on where to start age-wise), that those living alone have more difficulty coping with financial problems, health problems, house (and other residential) living conditions, etc. Okay, I know some “older adults” are rolling in money but if they live on their own, there are still the other conditions. And unfortunately, it is we women who seem to suffer the most, at least in my experience – not just personally, but what I’ve seen and read about.

So where does this leave us onlies with no partner or sibling support? My friend’s condition jolted me into deciding that we onlies have to support each other. If not, who else will? The problem here is the time-old one of well, time. How do you find the time? How much are you “your brother’s (or sister’s) keeper?” How much should you intrude in others’ lives? You can’t just go in and say, “Okay, Annie (or whatever your friend’s name is), we/you have to do this. You have to move. You have to get assisted living help. You have to eat healthier. You have to slow down. Put yourself in your friend’s place. How much interference and downright dictating do you want from even a close friend. What is the answer?

One thing I decided is to be more aggressive in getting my life in balance, so there can be time to help my friends. I am going through everything that I do with the proverbial fine-tooth comb and stuff is getting the boot. So far I’ve reinstated not working on weekends, even answering business email or returning business phone calls. I also am not doing another session of my Yoga classes. Some of you may call that a bad choice but I’m finding the once-a-week class (at 6 p.m.), although it helps my health, is also in the way of doing other things that take priority. And rushing to Yoga class right after rushing to finish work for the day crosses out any benefits from the class. Trying to do a few gentle Yoga stretches a few times a week might be better. I’m also active in the garden now and walking more. Now, what else can I dump? I can certainly cut back on the housework, something I don’t like doing unless it is clearing out stuff.

As for my friend, I talked very briefly to her on the phone as she was just taking another pain pill. She has to clean out the garage attached to where she lives because the landlord is tearing the garage down. She asked if I knew anyone who could help her move her stuff stored in the garage (She does have another garage down the road to store her belongings in). I got busy on the phone and found three possibilities (two are brothers and would work together). However, she hasn’t been able to do anything more about it – she has to see how able she is to move herself first. My ex used to tell me when I complained about something that there are others much worse off than me. I used to hate that. Perhaps he was right. When we are in the throes of a problem we don’t want to hear about others starving or in poor health. That’s human nature.

So, what do you think? How can we help our friends, especially those on their own,  without imposing ourselves like little dictators and still not neglect our own lives?

Comments anyone?

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child chased by technological woes

How Only Child feels about her laptop’s operating system and the company that makes the system.

I want to go back a few years, at least to the mid 1990s when computer technology wasn’t so complicated and we still had email. Or maybe back further to the early 1960s – at least my parents were still alive. Living the life of an only person is getting tougher and tougher financially, especially when technology gives me a hard time to the tune of dollars and no sense. I’m ready to throw a very hot towel at a few companies. For my own protection I’m not naming companies, although readers can probably guess one of them.

Here’s what is going on:

1. Last week, my computer techie (no, not my son. I do hire a computer tech service biz for some things) had to reinstall my laptop software because Windows 7 refused to get me connected via my password. Fortunately, my techie is good, so he found Windows 7 hidden on my hard drive, as well as some other programs and my files, plus downloaded/installed the others. But it was Windows 7 from when I got my laptop two years ago. So 98 updates had to be installed. Done by me, no less after the techie left. Yesterday I decided to check the updates downloaded and “ready” to be installed (I have a suspicious nature thanks to past experiences), Guess what stared me in the face? A service pack update. My techie just installed that five weeks before the password problem. No matter how many times I removed the tic mark before that one (or five other updates) and despite hitting “ok” afterwards, when I checked back, the same damn updates were clicked again, including the service pack update. As soon as I shut down the laptop, it would install. That sucker takes an hour to install and does it in stages. I wasn’t comfortable about doing it last time so had my techie do it; and I wasn’t comfortable doing it now. So I had to leave the laptop on overnight until this morning when he arrived to fix the system. He did and there were several more updates connected plus he installed an updated version of my anti-virus program. He gave me a discount but the two visits cost me just over $400.. I’m still going to try and collect from you know-what company – I can hear you now “Good luck.” However, I subscribe to Windows Secrets, the newsletter put out by Windows guru Woody Leonhard and I’m going to email them about my situation.
2. My cable TV service provider lied last year. When Canada’s TV services went from analog to digital a techie at my cable company reassured me that if I have cable service I didn’t need to get a digital converter or adapter. I’d still get the service. At the end of April I received an important notice from the cable company. Guess what? All cable TV stations are being converted from analog to digital – gradually this year. The first wave starts May 31. They are providing a free digital adapter and free courier delivery, with no extra monthly fees, but are vague about who pays for the installation. The key words are “it is easy to install.” Yeah, right, if you’ve done it before” as a friend told me. I am also still waiting for delivery of the adapter seven business days after ordering by phone (all recorded voices). You get a phone number to call for initialization when it’s installed. Initialization? What is this? A credit card? Also, nothing is free as my rates went up one month before this notice arrived. I called the company’s billing number. As I suspected they’ve run out of adapters and it’s on order and should be here near the end of May. There is a charge if their technician installs it but I’m getting $5. off my monthly bill for a year because I’m a longtime customer, which I’m told is not connected to installation charges for the adapter. Really? A promotion that is run concurrently with this adapter nonsense?
3. No. 2 brings up another technological problem in the electric department. The outlet by the TV is an old-two prong (the house was build in 1949 and not all outlets were upgraded to three-prong). While the adapter itself is two-prong (with an adapter – pun intended – plug-in) when you add in my TV and a lamp, I need a power board. Power boards are three-prong. The alternative is to run an extension cord across the front of the covered radiator to the other side of the room for the lamp. That outlet is three-prong. My neighbour across the street, an electrician, suggested doing this when I asked him if he would upgrade my electrical outlet. He refused to help me. Even if I could afford a digital TV, the outlet would still need to be changed to a three-prong. I’m going to ask the handyman I hire to do odd jobs as he is also trained in electrical work.

These are the fallouts from being an only person – no siblings and no partner to help. “Help” is a four-letter word which can mean anything from “money” to “knowledge and experience” to “moral support.”

Usually I like to take a learning experience spin on these setbacks. However, the only lesson learned here is to continue to be suspicious, to read between the lines and to ask questions and get facts. Be like a good journalist. Remember the old saying, “buyer beware.” That seems to apply beyond buying scenarios.

And to pile on more client work to pay the bills.

Comments from readers?

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child on blogging and ABC award nominees

Only Child reading some of her writing scribbles

Now that I’m one of the recipients of the ABC Blog Award, it’s my turn to nominate a few bloggers whose blogs I like. As far as I know they haven’t been nominated for this award.

But first let’s look at another post that inspired me and I hope inspires you from Bloglovin.

http://www.feelgoodtribe.com/2012/04/30/crazy-talk-the-do-what-you-love-guide/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=crazy-talk-the-do-what-you-love-guide  (Sophie has posted an inspirational article by Leo Babauta), I can really connect with the message, especially the number one point: “If you don’t think it’s possible, do a small easy test. Don’t think you can start a blog? Sign up for a free WordPress.com or Blogger.com account and do a short post. Don’t tell anyone about it. Just write a post. It costs nothing, risks nothing, takes almost no time. But you will learn you can do that one little thing, and if you pass that test, you now know your theory of impossibility was wrong. You can do this with any skill, btw, not just blogging.”

That was me. I’ve wanted to blog for years and I knew it had to be something about writing, but what? I am involved in so many areas of writing – writing short stories, writing memoir, writing personal essays, writing a novel (or rewriting, more accurately), writing magazine and newspaper articles, teaching writing workshops and courses, and the other side of the fence – editing books and short stories. Encompassing all that in one blog could put the posts all over the place.

Finally I decided to centre my posts on the memoir which (at that point) I was still writing and fan out from its main focus – i.e., growing up in the 1950s and 1960s as the only child of elderly parents when your Dad is dying of cancer. Sometimes I quote excerpts from the memoir, where appropriate to the post, but often I’m into the fallout of being an only child (now only person) and what I have to face alone. That gets me into health issues, social issues, and well, writing a memoir. And being an “old journalist” I have to do research, so I hit the Internet. My Blog Link list is very long but it’s there so anybody can find more information.

So, with purpose and focus in hand (on my laptop actually) including my About the Blog and a sample first post, I went down to my son, Martin’s for help getting set up on Word Press. He’s the computer expert. That was the beginning of November 2009. Occasionally I still ask him a question about something in Word Press but I’ve learned a lot on my own.

I’ve also learned a lot from my readers, although I don’t have as many as Bloglovin or Leo Babauta  http://zenhabits.net. It is great to connect and share ideas (even though I am sometimes a bit slow getting back). Often what other bloggers write inspires me for my post (like today’s); often it is something in the news; often it is something happening in my life. Whatever it is, as Leo says, it is something I feel passionate about – whether it is gardening or writing or something on the down side, such as when a car hit me in a parking lot  or I got lost in the fog. These things all have deeper meanings than what occurs on the surface. Lost in the fog, for example, also means I sometimes feel lost (and overwhelmed) in what is going on in my life. That is an indication I need to take some action and will probably be learning another lesson.

And these bloggers have taught me much and they are the ones I am nominating for the ABC Award:

Bloglovin  http://www.feelgoodtribe.com/ Sophie has inspiring posts for a healthy mind, body and soul.

Alex Leybourne http://alexlaybourne.com/ He is another author – short stories and novels who posts about his writing – really gets to the gut of it. Inspiring.

Stephanie Miller http://livelighter.org/ She has a scientific background but gets down to the nitty gritty to get healthy. She’s recently tapped into her spiritual side and hopes to live to 120. Disclaimer: I know Stephanie personally.

Happy blogging and reading.

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

The ABC (Awesome Blog Content) Award logo

Only Child’s win of ABC Blog award official

Only Child won this award. Part of the criteria when winning is to post their logo, so here it is.

One of the criteria for those who receive the ABC award from its creator, Alyson, of the Thought Palette blog (http://thethoughtpalette.co.uk/abc-award/) is to nominate other blogs and also to share briefly something about yourself, from A to Z.

I  recently wrote about my blog being nominated for an ABC award in this  post

http://onlychildwrites.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/only-child-abc-blog-award-nominee-on-memoir/ Now that it is official (thank you Alyson for awarding me this and Trisha http://trishadm.wordpress.com/2012/02/27/alphabet-soup-the-abc-award/for nominating me), it is time for me to do the A to Z list of  things which have meaning for me. In line with this blog’s content about writing my memoir, including all the offshoots into health, living the only person syndrome, time management, etc., and of course, my parents, cousins and my son and his partner, here is my short list.

A is for ABC Award (I couldn’t resist) but it is also A for my mother’s middle name “Amelia” and my middle name “Anne,” and for Alison, my son’s partner, and Alyson who gave me this award.

B is for blogging.

C is for Crawford, my last name.

D is for death, in relation to my parents. I still grieve.

E is for empathy with others who are only children – any age.

F is for my family.

G is for good, which despite all the ups and downs, I feel my life is (well 80 per cent anyway).

H is for my health, what is good about it, but maybe for some of the bad as it teaches me lessons and makes me curious to find answers.

I is for inspiration which fuels my imagination.

J is for Joker – a mild word to describe whatever causes the snafus in my life.

K is for Kleenex, something I use a lot, for allergies, for crying when sad, and when really exasperated.

L is for Langevin, my father’s last name and the name I was born with. I still use it, too.

M is for memoir, and also for Martin, my son.

N is for Nancy, an “old” friend from school – grade to high school, whom I reconnected with at a high school reunion almost ten years ago.

O is for ostrich, the way I used to handle problems and sometimes do now, at least as a delaying tactic.

P is for parents – mine – Julia and Albert.

Q is for quiet – something as an only child and now only adult person you can get lots of.

R is for retreat, something the nuns at my grade school and one of the high schools sent us to.

S is for my son, Martin and also my first name, Sharon. My mother once told me she had also thought to call me “Sheila.”

T is for Tim, a childhood friend who stood up for me against The Bully. I reconnected with him 12 years ago.

U is for umbrella – I had a synchronistic, almost psychic experience with an umbrella left in a park and my mother’s spirit in the fall of 2005.

V is for the first letter of the last name of three cousins on my dad’s side of the family. We used to go to their home sometimes for Christmas dinner.

W is for writing. What else for a writer?

X is for xylophone, which as a child I used to play (a very tiny xylophone).

Y is for yellow, the colour of the sun. In my childhood and today I prefer sunny (and warm) days.

Z is for Zoomer, what I am in age and partly in spirit now. My spirit is also with my childhood.

Now, it is my turn to nominate other bloggers for the ABC Award. I have a few in mind and will report in a future blog post once I have done so.

In the meantime, there is a Facebook page for ABC Award blog winners. Check out the comment with my blog post at http://onlychildwrites.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/only-child-abc-blog-award-nominee-on-memoir/ and go to https://www.facebook.com/ABCaward?bookmark_t=page

Cheers.

Sharon Langevin Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child takes a crack at fine-tuning work time

Only Child is becoming a bear on time management

My late father may have been on the right track with his time obsession. I don’t recall how good he was at time management, but I’m presuming very good at  his job, because he worked for many years as a timekeeper for the Canadian National Railways. Dad was fixated on constantly checking the time and making sure his watch always worked. Much to my mother’s chagrin, he’d compare his watch to the kitchen wall clock during dinner. I do some of that (not necessarily at dinner), but it’s my time management area that needs an overhaul.

I have to take another crack at fine-tuning my time…with a mini sledgehammer. Some of my signs of spiralling in overwhelm are showing up. I forget where I put things; I almost forgot to pay the water bill on time; I have three evenings in a row where I have business meetings/courses, and I’m more grumpy than usual. The only sign not here (yet) is heading out the door with last month’s public transit pass in my purse instead of the current pass. And that’s only because it is the middle of the month.

The main focus of the cuts and nays this go-round is in my business. For the first time in months I did a monthly work schedule, including deadlines and times/dates to work on the projects. The list is too long, especially as I need time for personal writing (which may be going somewhere and I’m not going to jeopardize that). So I’ve been working the list, finishing client projects and crossing the jobs off the list. Of course, some of it takes longer than expected. Some of these clients I’ll be glad to do more work for down the road; others, no. I’m taking a hard look at who I work for or with and what I will and won’t do. Gone will be the manipulative clients, clients who don’t use email or even the computers they have (the extra work-around, meetings, etc. are draining my body and soul) and clients who well, just don’t listen – despite what is in the contract we sign. A few wel-used “no’s” may be the operative words here…even if I have to put a big NO sign up in my office.

I have to do this; I’m not getting any younger. But as I’ve pulled up my bootstraps (and maybe a few others’ boostraps too) with my finances, I think some cut-back is in order. The fallout is I’ve been neglecting some of my friends whom I don’t want to neglect…and I’m tired of the arguments about that running around inside my head. On a purely business level, with less and better clients I can focus more on doing a good job for them instead of rushing through it and on to the next client’s work. And (here it comes) gardening season is now here. God, or someone, help anyone who steals my garden time. I wield a mean weeder, but I prefer to use it to dig up weeds.

For those of you with time management problems in your work, read some of Paul Lima’s blogs on the subject. Here’s a link to one: http://paullima.com/blog/category/marketing-your-writing-and-other-services/time-management-marketing-your-writing-and-other-services/ Paul is a writing colleague of many years and I’ve learned a lot from him. He got me started on doing an annual business plan. (I just get carried away on what I can accomplish in a year) and has some sound advice. He is the Six-Figure Freelancer and the main link to his blog is http://paullima.com/blog/. And if you think he is all business, think again. Like me, he also writes short stories. And that is something I am not willing to give up. Ditto for my memoir writing and teaching in both those categories.

Meantime, I think I’ll dig out my Dad’s old pocket watch and also read some more of Paul Lima’s blogging gems.

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child tackles starting the memoir

Only Child at 13 and Dad on veranda of house where she grew up

When I first started writing my memoir I had a very different take on what I wanted to include. I wanted it to be more family history – mainly the dead relatives and my relationship with them – when they were alive. I’m not that weird. Some family flak, as well as some constructive criticism from another writer, steered me in another direction. My memoir is now my story of growing up a shy only child of elderly parents in the 1950s and 1960s when Dad is dying of cancer and the environment is old-school Catholic.

When you find your memoir muse, writing the actual memoir can seem daunting. Where do you start? Where do you go?

In my last post http://onlychildwrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/only-child-on-finding-your-memoir-muse-2/ I talked about using the kaleidoscope method to narrow down what the heck you want to write about. When you decide if it is overcoming your drug addiction, your crazy childhood or your travels through the Yukon, that’s the branch of your kaleidoscope you use to create an outline.

But before you do that, you want to write down your memoir’s focus or mission statement. As I did above, try to get it down to one sentence, two sentences maximum. This will help you create your outline.

“Create” and “Outline” seem worlds apart. But if you just write “from the seat of your pants” your memoir will be all over the place. Just remember that whatever you put in this outline may not be what you end up with. Keep an open mind for change because as you write your memoir, things will change – perhaps your perspective, perhaps due to family flak, perhaps boredom on your part. Consider your outline a “work-in-progress.”

Then…

• Do it as a chapter-by-chapter setup or as subject matter you wish to cover. This is just to get you started – to move you from mission statement to content.
• Under each “subject” listed, write a few sentences or list (whichever works best for you) what you could cover there.
• If you need to dig further for information, make a note in brackets (further info needed).

That’s it in a nutshell. And, once you write your beginning chapter, you don’t need to write the chapters in the order listed. Perhaps you are missing some research for Chapter Two or the content of Chapter Five is calling your muse.  Follow it. That’s being creative. Remember, you still have your outline to steer you in…later.

Happy memoir writing.

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes.

Only Child on finding your memoir muse

Only Child with Mom in the backyard. Definitely in the memoir

I’ve started teaching another Crafting a Personal Memoir course and one thing I’m finding is we who write memoirs have so much to say. We have many areas in our lives we could write about. We may have overcome a drug addiction but the cause goes back to something in our childhood and maybe this childhood is a story in itself. If we put everything in one memoir we have overload and overkill. We risk overwhelming the reader and, if we go the traditional publishing route, turning off literary agents and publishers.

I tried to put everything in one memoir. The first agent who looked at it liked my story and my voice but said I needed to divide it into two books. I followed her advice and now have the possibility of three or four books. That’s a good thing as most agents and publisher don’t want to take on a one-book author. They are in it to make money.

So, how do you get around all this rich material and decide what to write about first?

Get organized. I know it’s not No. 1 on the creativity list, but if you keep in mind “it’s not sealed in granite and I can change it later if I want,” you can move forward.

In my course, I use two methods of nailing down the memoir focus and content. One is using the kaleidoscope or wheel method. Take a large piece of paper (or those who can use computer programs to draw, do it onscreen). In the middle of the page draw a circle and inside the circle write “Me.” Then draw several spokes from the centre. On each spoke write one area of your life – for example “Drug Addiction,” and fan out with more spokes from that word. On each “sub-spoke” write something to do with your drug addiction – for example “cocaine,” or “peer pressure.” You choose; it’s your story. When you think you have enough material, take a closer look at each spoke . Choose the subject that most resonates with you. You may discover that some of the sub-spokes for some of the different categories overlap in information. So, you can actually write about two life areas.

For example, Canadian poet Patrick Lane, who wrote the memoir There is a Season, http://www.patricklane.ca/books/ writes about not only the wonders of his garden, but also how it healed his alcoholism. And something else crops up (besides plants) – he goes back to his childhood and the troubles with his father. That is my interpretation of this wonderful book.

Lane’s book also brings out something else about memoirs – they are never just the surface story; there is always some underlying theme. Find that as well as the story, and you have the focus of your memoir.

You can also use photographs and I have shown you how in a previous posting at http://onlychildwrites.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/only-child-on-writing-memoir-from-photos/

The next step is to do an outline. In next week’s posting I’ll go into writing outlines and getting started writing your memoir.

Meantime check out Capturing Memories – Tips on Writing a Memoir http://www.capturingmemories.com/tips.html

Comments?

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes

Only Child does Retail Therapy

Only Child wearing the old now tattered jeans - obviously when jeans saw better days.

Retail therapy is good for you. It can increase your life span according to a study published in The Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health. Maybe my mother was on to something with our frequent shopping adventures to the department stores in downtown Toronto and the shops on the Danforth. As I write in my memoir:

The 1950s and early 1960s were the heydays of the big department stores – the Simpson’s and three Eaton’s stores downtown. The latter stores originated with a small Toronto shop, which Timothy Eaton opened at Queen and Yonge St. in 1869, and replaced with the four-storey flagship Eaton’s in 1883.  In 1930, The ritzy Eaton’s College St. Store opened at College St. and Yonge St. [See “Eaton’s” and “The Carlu” on Wikipedia.]  Mom turned up her country nose at it and steered me towards its opposite, The Eaton’s Annex, Albert St. Did Mom gravitate towards this store because its three storeys and basement sat on a downtown street carrying Dad’s name? Or was it the anticipation and joy of flipping through clothes and shoes stacked on tables in the basement and if you were lucky, you’d find a bargain that you weren’t embarrassed to wear?

More than the clothes and shoes, I remember the soft ice cream, the elevators and the escalators.

“Hold onto the railing, Sharon,” Mom says as we stand at the top of one of these escalators.

 As I dig my hand into the railing and look down at the ridges before me, I hesitate, then gingerly place toes, then the rest of my feet on the escalator floor. I expect the floor to change to steps, like those at the main Eaton’s store, but it remains a series of slabs rudely jutting out. Riding up makes me feel as if I’m on a conveyor belt in a factory assembly line; riding down is akin to standing on the poor person’s roller coaster without the safety bar across your front.

The elevators, off in their own hallway, are an earlier version of panoramic elevators, except the view is inside the shaft while you wait outside the glass door for the elevator’s arrival. I close my eyes, hang on tight to Mom’s hand and try not to think of freefalls.

But we arrive safely back in the basement or “subway” as Eaton’s calls it. I know that I deserve the soft white ice cream whirled into a cone sold at a stand near the underground walk to the main Eaton’s Store. I also deserve the hot dog sold there.

(Excerpt from You Can Go Home – Deconstructing the Demons, copyright 2012 Sharon Crawford)

The study, mentioned above, showed that among older Taiwanese people, at least twice weekly shopping could raise life expectancy an average of 27 per cent. Surprisingly, men engaged in retail therapy more than women. Researchers believed it was not all about the buying but companionship and exercise could be factors.

Not for me. I wanted to buy. However, I had two items in mind – a new mini stereo system to replace the dud that died in January after just over two years of “service,” and a pair of “good jeans” to replace the pair  now sporting rips and holes. True, I was thinking of my Mom’s and my trips downtown as I rode the streetcar there and walked through the Eaton Centre (definitely not there back in the day). But successfully purchasing the two items needed without hitting more than one store (Sears, if you want to know. I didn’t even enter The Bay which now sits on the old Simpson’s store). Even the sprinkling of rain on the way home didn’t dampen the expedition. I just opened my umbrella and held it over the box containing the stereo.

So, can retail therapy help? Maybe as long as you don’t play shopaholic. The life expectancy criteria is still off the table for me – I’m not quite as old as the study’s participants…yet. But it sure lifted my mood.

Check out these websites for a couple of retail therapy studies.

Shopping and Retail Therapy Makes You Live Longer – Totally Living http://www.totallyliving.co.uk/health/2011/04/08/retail-therapy-raises-life-expectancy

Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health http://jech.bmj.com/ (to search for article on the above)

Retail Therapy Effective at Improving Mood http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/22/retail-therapy-mood_n_882062.html

Your thoughts on Retail Therapy?

Cheers.

Sharon Crawford

Only Child Writes